Macie Marilyn: Happy BIRTH-day

The births of our first two children, Sterling and Sarah, had taken place at the hospital with a Certified Nurse Midwife. Wanting a birth experience that more closely aligned with our philosophies, we chose to have a home birth for our third child, Meg. When we found out we were expecting our fourth child, we knew right away that we wanted another home birth, and were thrilled to have Tina work with us again as our midwife.

I knew that this baby most likely would not come on its calculated due date. My history with my previous three children had shown that. During the day of the ninth day after my due date, I felt as though there were some possible early signs of labor, but still nothing conclusive. It wasn't until my husband and I laid down for the night, that I felt regular, strong contractions. After an hour of those, I figured I may as well get up and move around, in hopes of speeding things up. It seemed that once Macie decided to come, she made every effort to help out. Between each contraction I could feel her wiggling and moving and working her way down. It took two strong pushes to get her out – all 9 pounds, 8 ounces of her. Before I knew it, she was in my arms,
accompanied with a sense of love, awe, and joy for her
that has since become a defining moment of my life.

Macie
2-28-08

Thank you Tina!! And happy BIRTH-day Macie Marilyn!!!
Written by Vanessa

THE Biggest Loser

Merlon has always been one of my most favorite people. He has such a gentle and kind soul. He is soft spoken and thoughtful...but has always had a strong presence about him. As a little guy his nickname was P.B. which stood for Pretty Boy...which he was and still is... He has always been genuine and caring especially with his nieces and nephews. As a teenager and young adult when my life took me as far away from my family as one could possibly get... I was always grateful for Merlon's open arms and big bear hugs. While we did not grow up in the same house, I never felt distanced from him in any way. Merlon has always made an effort to really know me, love me and spend time in my life. Today, I want to honor this man and his walk to reclaim his life. I am SO proud of him...he is a true inspiration to any one who needs to make a change. God Bless you Merlon...I am humbled by your strength, dedication and determination. We are all pulling for you and we are thankful for your willingness to embrace life and live it well.

Merlon start Weight 366 pounds
(Tina 2o pounds heavier)

Today 222 pounds WhooHoo
"I have lost 144 pounds, started at 46.8% body fat and now I am about 19%. I wore a tight pant size 50...I just bought a pair size 36 and I need a belt."

Give it up for my brother.... as my son said..."Uncle Merlon, You're Ripped."
P.S. He is single.

Venting & Apologizing

Natural Stress Therapy

Avoidance behavior? I'm not sure...but suffice to say living under the duress that I have been... I am simply aware that some things just take too much mind power to handle without help and I'll avoid those things like a deadly disease...call it avoidance if you must...I look at more like survival in desperate times...I won't whine about the gory details...by trail and error, I've come to realize forcing even simple issues could cause me to come clear apart...and folks that ain't purdy. I know, I know....this all probably has a clinical diagnosis and you might think I should seek medical care and treatment...BUT listen I'VE GOT THE CURE..its this place I go, one that is not in my head for those of you already diagnosing me....Fact is, in the winter I take off for there a few times a week even when I got-it-all-together...But when I can't or won't tackle the things that weigh me down...I retreat to a mountain top about 30 minutes from my front door. A sweet steep little ski hill, a place that brings me peace of mind...OK...and I love the rush that comes with it too. So, yesterday, blanketed by the angst I was feeling from my daughter moving out I knew there was no better place for me...so without a second thought I jumped into my already packed car, leaving much undone, to find solace. Truth be told, I have not skied very well all year...until yesterday...it was like I was on a mission...and I was on fire. Everything came so easily... I could see a line and I could look downhill past it. When I turned my skis loose... I did not have a care in the world, no more tears to cry, no more knot in my stomach, no more lump in my throat or babbling words to come out of my mouth. Up there on top of the world, I can forget, not for long... but for a while I can be part of thee enormity that is the mountain...and for a time there is nothing bigger in my life. I must sound out-of-my-mind...but it truly is a rejuvenating experience for me... sometimes I think its as much the place as what I do there that gives me renewed mental and physical stamina. In the Spring, Summer and Fall I find other outlets...but not nearly as effective and healing as my winter get away place...so as long as there is snow I'll go on good days and especially bad. errr...feeling like I did today...I hope nobody needs anything from me for a while because I don't think I'll be around. I think...I'll be 30 minutes outta town running down some natural stress therapy.

Follow Me Friday

Many of you know that my oldest daughter Miss Independent moved into her own place yesterday. It was a very surreal day for me...fact is, there was something quite odd about having a certain presence in her life on Wednesday... and NOT on Thursday. Even when you are prepared (and I was not) to start seeing your children leave home...there is nothing easy about it, not for me. One good friend said, "Life is just changing its not over." Certainly its not over, but even sitting here at my desk with her room to my left, door open, empty...I feel a sadness come over me. I'm at the back of the pack today...though I know I will catch my second wind, again...which is why I started this blog in the first place... I jokingly said it would be cheaper than therapy. It has been a really nice place to bring my thoughts. It's been equally nice to see the response I've gotten and how so many people actually communicate with me via it and because of it...saying hello, sending thanks, giving encouragement even advice and otherwise just following me along the human experience we call life. I missed her yesterday... I really missed her last night when curfew came and went and I realized she would not be coming home, it didn't feel like a sleep over. When I teared up as she loaded the last of her things into the truck...we embraced and she told me not to cry, she said "Mom,this is just another stage in my life "....I said "Well, its not like when I sent you to kindergarten." Not like that at all. This is my all time favorite picture of Miss Independent & I

May 13, 2006

"She will be writing the story of her only life every single minute of every day. And my greatest hope for her is that I taught her how to write a good one."
(click this link for a video clip every mother will love).

I invite you to follow me along this adventure.

Tina

Can you say Conspiracy?

From http://www.churchyear.net

I found some ideas for Lent restrictions/sacrifices. Remember that Lent is suppose to be about spiritual transformation and conversion. For instance, watching television is not sinful in itself, but since most people enjoy it, giving it up for 40 days is a sacrifice.

Possible restrictions or sacrifices:
(I DID NOT GENERATE THIS LIST but will indicate my thoughts or ability to sacrifice each item suggested...and no hate mail, I am not with malicious intent making fun of the seriousness of Jesus' 40-day fast in the wilderness.)

#1 Blogging- BELIEVE me I did not put that one right there on top. I know it appears to be in alphabetical order....but geez I was actually shocked to see it on this list. Who knew giving up blogging would be a sacrifice for anyone??

#2 Coffee-Blogger equals Coffee Lover I see it all over the blogsphere.

#3 Caffeine-Are we setting a pattern here?

#4 Computer Use- OK now...I am beginning to think this is a conspiracy.

#5 Drinking Alcohol- Doable.

#6 Driving- Impossible.

#7 Eating Out-Doable.

#8 Energy Use- Does this mean camping for 40 days? Not happening in February.

#9 Gossiping- No problem.

#10 Internet Chatting- Do you think this includes social networking? Can you say Conspiracy?

#11 Red Meat-Doable.

#12 Sexual Activity-Probably NOT gonna happen.

#13 Smoking-I don't even know anyone who smokes!!

#14 Swearing-THERE....now we're in business.

#15 Sweets- Even before I saw this list it was either swearing or sweets and I had to go with swearing but sweets is running a tight second.

#16 Television- Absolutely Doable.

#17 Using Credit Cards-No problem, Dave Ramsey took care of that.


They said that these are just a few suggestions.... I'm just sayin' I have only been blogging for 5 months but kinda worried that I could be on some sort of slippery slope to a Blogging Addiction...is there a 12-step for that?

What about y'all...if you practice lent...whatcha giving up? And for kicks and giggles if you don't what would you give up... fact of the matter is... a person's sacrifice says a lot about them...but then again a person's unwillingness to sacrifice says a lot too.

House Rules

A while back...a long, long time ago in a far away land... we had a chore chart on the refrigerator...and a list we called "General Considerations" aka House Rules. The whole thing was a great idea...and worked well as long as I policed organized and managed the little ditty...wherein that got to be more work then it was worth for me...so I sort of scrapped the chore chart...and went back to either doing it all or asking for specific help when needed, which works unless I'm crabby....ANY-how what remained were the House Rules, and after several months I guess that paper got thrown away too... we haven't gone buck wild without a posted list of rules... but it does seem we have gotten a little relaxed on some of those lately....so for a vairity of reasons I decided to ping every one's memory...they read this blog.

We try teach our family that a good life is based on respect and responsibility. They are expected to honor our wishes and suggestions because they are part of this family unit who are working together for the good of everyone. Period. Not everyone was/is in violation of one or any of these suggestions but it was a start in a stressed time. We feel accountability in all areas of life is necessary for over all success. We wanted our family to be aware of the way our behavior affects other people... especially those we live with. Supporting each other in all areas, celebrating our success and sharing our struggles keeps us moving in forward direction, goal orientated and ready for whatever the day may bring.

This was the short list... my family jokingly accused me of have more rules then the Bible...12 instead of 10! I warned them that this list was pretty simple compared to some I've seen...see rule #8.

1. Be honest and accountable.
2. Be kind and respectful.
3. DO NOT use foul language or slang words that have similar meanings.
4. DO NOT bring your phone to the dinner table.
5. DO NOT look at your phone, receive or send a text when someone is talking to you.
6. Cover your area or arrange for some one to help you.
7. If it is in your area it is your responsibility. Do not leave it for anyone else.
8. DO NOT complain.
9. Keep your hands and feet to yourself.
10. Comply with your specific bed time and curfew.
11. Phones, TV & electronics should be turned off and put away by bed time.
12. Get up and be on time for school. Stay at school and on campus unless prior arrangements have been verbally cleared with a parent.

PS Today is Ash Wednesday and the start of lent so I will publicly declare I am going to give up profanity...which will also put me in compliance with rule #3.
PSS Don't go thinking I'm trash talkin chic... but IMO giving up something for lent is suppose to give you a little squeeze... so suffice to say I am giving up swearing.
PSSS Not to be confused with giving up people who swear...you know who you are.

David Kyle: Happy BIRTH-day

Our Valentine’s Day Gift

David Kyle's Birth

By Robyn

I thought we would wait a little longer to get pregnant again. Our little family was still healing from the loss of our little 2 year old Kyle. But I remember sitting in Primary one day and having the distinct impression that it was time to open my heart and body to another little spirit son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. We quickly got pregnant. As soon as I found out, Jeff planned a trip to Hawaii. We knew I had a few weeks before the fatigue and nausea would set in so we jumped on a plane the next week. I still threw up on a boat ride that we took for snorkeling. Huge waves . . . I may have lost it even if I wasn’t pregnant!
I thought I knew my regular pattern for my labors and birth but just to be sure to keep me on my toes my little son gave me a somewhat new experience. This was not my first planned homebirth. We had done this before but there was something different and special about it. For a time we wondered if this birth would be at home at all after the ultrasound revealed that my placenta was completely covering the cervix. Ugg!! Placenta previa? After the phone call from the CNM’s, I was shocked. I asked myself, “now how am I going to react to this?” Plan a c-section? Cry and give up? I decided to ignore the urge in me to cry and instead asked the Lord to show his ability to work miracles through me if it be His will.
So for two months we were left in limbo not daring to make plans either way. I was definitely not giving in. We prayed, we fasted, we actually did not tell many people not wanting to alarm anyone or have to field questions about scheduling a c-section. Each day I talked to my baby and visualized the placenta moving. Soon my prayers changed from asking to thanking the Lord for answering my prayers. I wondered if I was being too bold. But the Spirit confirmed my faith that the previa had been resolved. The night before the 2nd ultrasound I asked Jeff to give me a blessing. I sensed hesitation in him but in the Lord I sensed an answer. I knew. I knew before I laid down on that table for my ultrasound. Nonetheless, it was a huge relief for the ultrasound tech to announce to us that the placenta was no longer covering the cervix. It was an early Christmas gift. I didn’t need to open any gifts from under a tree. I reserved a birth tub and started ordering my birth supplies.

I distinctly remember waking up at 1:30am on February 13 to a tightening in my abdomen. I ignored it and closed my eyes again. The same thing happened at 3:30am. Again, I ignored it and went back to sleep. At 4:00am I felt it again, strong enough to wake me. Was this it? At 4:20am I woke Jeff to fill the birth tub in case this baby came fast like the last two. The sensations were coming every 20 minutes now but I slept in between them anyway, knowing that it was important to conserve my energy and not get too excited. At 7:30am the girls woke up. We sent our oldest off to school. And with things moving slowly I told Jeff to go to work. They continued to come every 15-20 minutes apart all day. I wouldn’t call this labor. In fact, I wasn’t working hard yet. I kept busy sewing and cleaning. My sister came over and made me lunch and watched my youngest daughter so I could take a nap. By the time my oldest daughter came home from school, I was feeling the sensations every 6-8 minutes and they were stronger. So I called my midwife, Tina, to give her a heads up. She told me to call again when I felt she was needed. I called Jeff and asked him to come home. It had been snowing all day and took him a little longer to get home.

My sister and her husband came over. They took care of my kids and even made us dinner. By now I had retreated to my room. I sat on my birth ball relaxing through the contractions. Tina arrived around 6pm when my contractions were 4-6 minutes apart. Jeff was working with me now. His back rubs were so needed. When he took a break Tina would step in. I felt my body working hard but we were confused by the experience being different this time. I don’t usually have any vaginal exams during my pregnancy or labors. I have felt very comfortable with my body and not worried about moving along on any set of measurements. But this time I chose to have an exam to see where my dilation was, 6 cm. Hmm, I turned to Jeff, shrugged and said, “I guess we are on a different journey this time.” I needed Jeff more than I had in the past. Quick births had left me to manage on my own while Jeff scurried around the house to get us ready. Today was different. We had settled into a pattern. After family prayer and putting the kids to bed, I chose to get in the birth tub. It felt great but I also felt my contractions slow so I reluctantly got out. I was tired and lay down on my side.
I felt myself move into more transition-like labor after getting up. I paced back and forth stopping for a contraction to lean on the counter and relax while Jeff or Tina stroked my aching lower back. Transition lasted longer than I expected. I was tired. We were nearing midnight. I lay down on my bed again. The contractions were not as close but very intense. I was still tired enough to sleep between them. One of the contractions caught me off guard while I was sleeping and nearly knocked me over. I needed Jeff more than ever and he was right there. I decided to get up again when it was around 1am. I went to the bathroom and felt that I could hardly move. I asked Jeff to help me get back to the birth tub. After only a few minutes in the tub I felt my water break and the urge to push quickly followed. I had been on my hands and knees but decided to flip over. My sister woke Maryn up so she could be a part of the experience. She was a bit groggy but still wanted to be there. Jeff got in the tub with me and for the first time I had to put a little effort into my pushes. I felt him move easily. As his head emerged I felt the burning sensation and then a release. We waited and his body easily came and Jeff lifted him to my chest. Jeff instinctively massaged his little feet and he pinked right up. Because we were so tired we mostly felt relief at this time. David latched on quickly and it wasn’t long until I delivered the placenta. When it was time Maryn got to cut the cord. Even though I was tired, I felt so BLESSED. I remember feeling relief after a long day but I also remember the LOVE, PEACE and utter JOY that his entry into this world brought in the early morning hours on that Valentine’s Day 2008! It was perfect to have him on a day that was about LOVE. We were surrounded by people who we love, Tina, my sister, my daughter, and I know that Kyle was there too.

I love this hair...

"I want my hair like this!"

Have you scared the be-geez-us out of your hair stylist brandishing a picture when you walk in....because she knows that its really not just the hair you want. Since 2006 I've taken these pictures to the salon more then once. I have even gone almost totally blonde several times. Funny thing... I just never seem to look quite like Meg. Go Figure. P.S. She was born in 1961 as Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra...no wonder she is professionally known as Meg Ryan. Anyhow...besides having great hair she is the ultimate chic flick actress, right? I loved her in When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless In Seattle, When a Man Loves a Woman, French Kiss, The Women,Courage Under Fire, City of Angels, You've Got Mail, and In the Land of Women. Come ON who did not LOVE Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail...and When Harry Met Sally..didn't you love that one?

I've been on the conservative, longer, dark side for a while now ...maybe for summer I'll give my stylist another shot to transform me into Meg Ryan.

Park City, Utah

Getting me out of town...even for the night can be as strategic and complicated as mobilizing the Armed Forces for battle. Fact is, I DO NOT often EVER go to far from home... I'll go anywhere for the day but its gotta be close enough that I don't need an overnight bag. Truth be told its not just me...we are all kind of like this... BUT when I need/want to go anywhere... it really is NOT just ME... for me to leave home I have to jump high and activate a half dozen others....I break out into a cold sweat just thinking about it.

So, when I was gifted a day of skiing over in Park City, Utah the wheels went into motion. I was going to leave the older girls home alone, for the first time ever. Sonny Boy was going to work with his dad and Mamacita would accompany me. Pretty sure the only reason I was actually able to pull it off was because I didn't have much time to think or plan my escape route...and it was SKIING after all... if you have not already established.... skiing is a great love of mine.

Starting to panic...around 7pm I feared a complete change of plans when it started to get dark and looked like I might have to travel in a storm...but I forged forward and several hours later I hit Salt Lake City, Utah where we'd be staying the night...only a 45 minute drive from Park City and the Deer Valley resort where Mamacita and I would spend the next day skiing.

After a good nights sleep we awoke to snow...apparently just for us. We were thrilled and would never scoff at snow...but it did make the drive though the canyon nerve racking and a little ridiculous. No offense to anyone directly... but these people are crazy drivers and I could not get off the highway fast enough. I thought I might need a Xanax just to calm my nerves so I was even ABLE to ski...if we arrived to our destination in one piece.

PS...windshield picture does not do justice to the snow coming down and the fact that these fools are still driving bumper-to-bumper at 75 mph ...drivers ed drop outs all of them.

None the less and only a little worse for wear...we found solace. Here is Mamacita skiing a few bumps. Incredible since she started out years ago as a snowboarder and this is only her first year on skis. Go Mama! Deer Valley was home of the 2002 Winter Olympic Slalom, Freestyle Mogul and Aerial competitions.

She is a natural on skis.

The condos and homes that lined the ski runs were out of this world stunning. How would it be to stay slope side in these digs...not to shabby.

A few times I could not even ski because I was so distracted by the sights.

AND this home....really....slope side...areyakiddinme?

HEAVEN!

Stopping for a little photo op.

She looks like she is having a terrible time, hee hee yah right.

Well worth the orchestration and stress of actually getting out of town. Very fun to spend the day with my youngest daughter, Vanessa, Jen, and Natalie. Thanks girls...we should do that again really soon...Grand Targhee, WY is getting pounded with snow, I'm ALL in...YOU?

We had a great day, Thanks Vanessa!

Caleb Fisher: Happy BIRTH-day

Happy BIRTH-day Caleb: Thoughts from his mother Holly.

Tina had been with us for my first two babies as a doula in the hospital, with our third my husband and I had decided we wanted a homebirth. Homebirth is something I was very familiar with. I am the oldest of six and was the only baby not born at home. I was able to watch my mom deliver each of my brothers and sisters and most I remember well. My aunt also had five babies at home. A few close friends also delivered at home, one of which I was given the privilege to attend. We were very excited and had everything ready to go!
Caleb was due to come into this world January 25th, 2008.
And then we waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally, two weeks late and no sign of labor, along with Tina, my husband and I made the decision to set an appointment at the hospital to induce labor.
We realized we weren't going to have the birth we had planned so long for. Sixteen days late, I checked in at the hospital. I will admit, I cried because I was so scared to labor with the pitocin and no epidural. Tina and my husband were great. They believed I could do it and gave me the strength I didn't think I had. From the beginning it was evident Caleb was in stress. His heart rate was down and there was an intensity in the air that wasn't their in my previous births. Around 2pm I was ready to push, but after pushing only a short while with no results it was determined that baby was in trouble and needed to be delivered by a cesarean section. (It ended up the cord was wrapped several times around his body and he was stuck!) Because it was an emergency Cesarean, and I had chosen not to labor with an epidural, I had to be completely put under. Two hours later I woke up to my beautiful healthy baby boy.

It was a little ironic, even me to, that I had planned for this perfect natural birth, and really ended up missing the whole thing! I learned that sometimes we have to surrender our own will and acknowledge that we are not as in control as we would like to be. I had to trust. And, I must say that even in this extreme situation, in which I didn't think I would ever have to experience, his birth was a miracle and sacred experience. No, it wasn't in my quiet home. No, it wasn't with just those few I had invited. But, yes, it was one of the most sacred things I have had the privilege to be apart of. I will forever feel indebted to Tina and the Dr.s who took care of us.
I know that there is a God in Heaven and that He cares about us
and these little ones that are brought into this world.

Thanks for all the love and support Tina!

Holly

Stick 'em Up with SupahMommy

Winter-Slash-Ski-Season

So this is what winter-slash-ski-season looks like outside.
There was a bus blocking the road to the ski hill Saturday morning....we waited...and waited...and as you can see WE are not the only ones.

While we waited and waited... I took a walk by this creek.

FINALLY...on the chair...and NO that is not a bad picture... its bad visibility. IF you wait for the perfect sun shining day to ski...you miss most of the season. So we ride even when we can't see.

Me...after a GREAT day!

In case you want to know what winter-slash-ski-season looks like on the inside:

Dust,

who has time to dust?
Laundry,
washing only what we need.
Neglected bathrooms,
the last thing on my mind.
No groceries,
only food necessary is in a fully stocked lunch bag found in the car.
Unopened mail,
may require too much time and attention.
Jackets, pants, helmets, goggles, gloves and boots scattered about,
easily accessible.
Skis and Snowboards crowding the garage,
still snow covered.
Disorganization,
when you spend this much time skiing/boarding what do you expect?

When the mountain closes and spring melts the last of our beloved snow...we’ll get back to taking care of life inside...but for now...there is a place that calls our names and we answer the call as often as possible. I've always said there is no place closer to Heaven then on any chair lift on top of a snow covered mountain.

As for me...I'm outta here.

If you need anything... you'll have to come find me, I'll be skiing.

What I Would Tell Her....

WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)

You are a miracle.

And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.

You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.

Being a mother means having your heart broken.

And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.

And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.

Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.

Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.

But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.

And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.

The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.

That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.

I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:

You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.

And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.

The essay and video both by Katherine Center

The Proper Care and Maintenance of a Sick Mom

I’ve been hit with some nasty cold/flu crap...which is about to do me in. I am no crybaby...believe me, I’ve been down with a few inconvenient things in my life time...kidney stones, appendectomy even a broken leg once...BUT during those unfortunate episodes...me and my good friend hydrocodone had nary a care what was going on in the rest of the house...sad fact is when Mom JUST has the common cold or flu she is not well...but she is not incapacitated either, though she would like to be...without doctors orders life for the “sick mom” just kind of goes on.

Alarm still goes off.
Dishes stack up.
Laundry piles mount.
Kids still need transported here and there.
You get the picture...

What I really need is some Day slash Ny-Quil folks...you know the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so- you-can-rest medicine...and a dutiful servant wife. I don't have time for this baloney...and I certainly don't want the rest of my people to get it, although I am pretty sure which one passed it my way! Applause for Kleenex with lotion.